Netflix Streaming Review - Primer

The most time-travely movie in the history of time-travely movies

"You're going to love these chicks dude.  Just seriously, don't drop the nitrate."

Remember that part in Looper when JGL and Bruce Willy meet up for the first time and JGL's all like, "Yo, so what's the deal with time travel, bro?  Like, ain't there paradoxes and sh*t?"  And then Bruce Willy's smacks him and is like, "Hey dummy, do you have any damn clue how long it would take us to spend discussing the implications of time travel??  Now get outta here, I got some toddlers to pop."  I really liked that exchange because it was pretty much Rian Johnson winking at the audience and saying, "Hey, listen, we know a bunch of this time travel sh*t probably won't make sense.  We know.  But that's not really the point of the movie."  Well, that nonsensical conversation that Willis alludes to?  Yeah, Primer is pretty much that movie.

Review: Pain & Gain - The Cinematic Equivalent of that Chaotic Trip to Vegas You Take to Vegas Every Now and Then so You Don't Kill Everyone You Know

Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?  Because guess what b*tch, IT'S A MOTHERF*CKING HAND!!!

Listen, I'm not going to sit here and attempt to pose some bullsh*t pseudo-intellectual argument about why I enjoyed the ever-loving sh*t out of Pain & Gain *licks lips, leans in before speaking to Charlie Rose* "Well, you see Charlie, Pain & Gain isn't so much a film about the decay of the American Dream as it is a treatise on the post-modern degradation of moral objectivism and what it truly means to be... well, not just American.  But what it means to be... human."  Oh go f*ck yourself *sshole with the Oliver Peoples glasses and Paul Stuart tweed jacket that I just made up in my head.  Your useless ivory tower posits infuriate me to no end.

Review - The Place Beyond the Pines

This is purely anecdotal speculation, but I think there is a subconscious tendency for many young indie filmmakers to confuse despair with profundity.  That, in other words, if one presents a story seemingly rooted in moral ambiguity, anxious turmoil and conflicted and complex interpersonal relationships, that you have inherently presented the audience with complex theater.  The notion of exploring deep thematic insights is inherent to the DNA of serious drama, so, as such, if we witness serious drama, we as an audience feel obligated to attempt to parse through the presented themes and extract whatever meaning we can from the narrative.  Even if nothing’s there to extract.  In other words, it’s ambiguity disguised as art.  And of course, it’s bullsh*t.

Opening this Weekend - Morgan Freeman Wears Stupid Looking Sunglasses Underground For Some Reason

When will Tom Cruise win an Oscar for best runner?  He's just so damn good at it.

Opening - Oblivion

Googan Suggestion - Slim pickings this week dweebs.  But see Oblivion.  Tom Cruise demands validation.

Netflix Streaming Review - House of Cards

"Y'know, maybe that whole "Gwnyeth-Paltrow-head-in-a-box-thing" WAS a bit over the top..."

While watching the season finale of House of Cards last week, Kevin Spacey's Frank Underwood uttered a line that I felt encapsulated the philosophy of the show oh so perfectly.  Underwood is speaking to us, the viewers (one of the highlights of the show is Spacey's constant breaking of the fourth wall to fill us in on his mindset and strategic decisions), while seemingly alone in the church frequented by the high and mighty of Capitol Hill.  Frank has just engaged and gone through with a series of, well, let's just say slightly nefarious maneuvers in order to promote his own political standing, and seems to be reflecting, or at the very minimum, engaging in what he would consider the portrayal of reflection.  He goes on a near rant that I won't spoil, but essentially concludes with the line, "I pray to myself, for myself."  I ate it up.

Opening this Weekend (4/12 - 4/14)

I think a Jackie Robinson/Indiana Jones super hero team would be swell

Opening - 42, Scary Movie 5, To the Wonder (limited release)

Googan suggestion for the weekend - I'm still trying to get out and see The Place Beyond the Pines, but that's proving difficult with The Masters and some solid NBA match ups on Sunday.  And as usual, Game of Thrones and Mad Men.

Song of the Week - "Blue Drag" by Allen Toussaint

In honor of the fantastic Mad Men returning this evening, here's a little something something to get you in that quintessential 60's scotch-swilling, suit-rocking, booty-slapping mood.  Allen Toussaint's cover of Django Reinhardt's Blue Drag really captures that era of cool.  This should pretty much play any time Don and Roger walk into a room.